Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Essay comments: People attend college or university for many different reasons [...]



Q: People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

People attend college mainly for education in career preparation. College or University offers a wide range of practical knowledge along with career preparation. In India students attend college to complete their studies and can then apply for a job.

The main reason for people attending college or university is academic education. College and university offer the best preparation for building a career. In India, like everywhere else in the world, students attend these institutions to gain practical knowledge so that they can later apply for a job and learn their living respectably.

Normally students attend a four year college or university as part of their completion of studies. The better they perform, the better they earn later at their placements. [Repetition, and obvious] The main focus for middle class students is gaining knowledge while completing their studies, to earn better at their placements. New experience is an add on to their primary focus. The Indian culture [portrays the desire to money=their burning determination for luxury] etc.

For the lower and middle classes, education is the main ladder that will take them out of the poverty trap. One’s origin is not a choice, but education, to a good extent, does provide the opportunity to choose one’s future. Indian culture portrays an intense desire for even in a world that is becoming more and more immaterial, the material still prevails. 

Besides, in a competitive world like ours, ignorance has almost become a stigma. People are no longer judged by the colour of their skin, or their eyes, or their hair, or their family name but instead, on the power of their brains. They are in constant search of their real worth. Success without significance remains incomplete: everyone wants to be respected and valued during his lifetime, and remembered after his death. Education not only provides the knowledge necessary to achieve success, but it also creates the desire to stand out from the crowd.

New experiences would boost them up for their future. The gain in experience can be justified as a tool for students when they are exposed to adverse situations, but is not the true purpose for students attending college or university. This has been averred by surveys and research conducted by organizations. Recent Times of India survey states that students attended engineering colleges even while they wished to pursue education in economics. They intended to do an MBA from the top colleges but were pushed to engineering by their parents. Will their experience gain them even a buck? Can they prove themselves in their non-intended field of study? The answer is of course a “NO”. New experience would not be the student’s main focus.

Why is the answer ‘no’? You can learn things even when you don’t want to learn them, simply because you are being pushed to. This is only in the movie ‘3 idiots’. Not always true that. 

Even if for some people education provides scope for new experiences in life, there are still some unfortunate ones who do not get to pursue the path they wish to tread one. Surveys and research conducted provide evidence to this. Recent Times of India survey states that students attended engineering colleges while they wished to pursue education in economics. They intended to do an MBA from the top colleges but were pushed to engineering by their parents. In such cases, experiences can become haunting—with the uncomfortable feeling that one did not achieve what one wanted to. 

I am not sure about this para… still don’t get why you included it. 

Increased knowledge is a factor which is to be considered extensively. We start the process of learning at an early age; [you are explaining further the point mentioned] it is continued in college after being initiated by school. Students have been gaining knowledge since they became students and so they do not view it as an aspect for university or college. (?) Knowledge can also be gained by experience but it would normally take longer than expected. It resembles the situation as a student already possessing a laptop would not be that curious about electrical equipment as a student who does not have it.

I already talked about knowledge in the third paragraph I wrote. 

Students mainly attend college or university for career preparation rather than any other aspect to be imagined by them.

You need more research, add some quotes too. What about stigmas that exist in society? The pariahs? Do some research. You are merely elaborating the reasons given above. Am sure there are many other reasons. Remember that if your opinion is a repetition of what has already been mentioned in the question, people wouldn’t be interested in listening to you.

And as a side comment. Your last line. The final impact you leave on readers will depend on what your last line is. 

College and university have almost become part of the natural course of life of people, and maybe, that is they are taken for granted by many. If only for one day, all universities and colleges could be taken off the world, perhaps then, people would realize the real importance of education, and the arduous labour our ancestors went through to provide us with materials from which to learn. And perhaps, they would realize the need to change from rote learning parrots to people of significance.

_________________________________________________[for TOEFL]_______

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Purple-- the corrected version.
Red-- comments.



Gratitude note: Thank you Key.
 

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