Polygamy is defined as the custom of having more
than one spouse at the same time. A polygyny refers to the marriage of a man
with multiple women at the same time. A polyandry is the term used to denote
the marriage of a woman to more than one man at the same time. A group marriage
is used to denote the marriage of multiple husbands and wives at the same time.
"At the same time" is an important word here as some countries do not
consider religious marriages to be legal ones, unless there has also been a
court marriage-- source of many abuses in societies.
Polygamy is practised in many religions of the world
but I shall mostly talk about Islam since it directly concerns me (and to avoid
the post being too long). But if you practice another religion and wish to base
your comments upon it, it shall be most welcomed. This is why the title has
been left open as "Polygamy" instead of "Polygamy in
Islam."
Do note that "polygyny", by its true
definition is not allowed in Islam. Islam restricts the number of wives that
can be taken to 4, while in a polygyny, there is no limit to this number. When
referred to polygyny in the article, it is referred to polygyny in Islam since
there is no equivalent I found I could use.
As many people are aware, polygyny was allowed in
Islam, and for very good reasons with strict limitations. But it was never initiated
by Islam.
The verse in the Quran says:
Noble Verse 4:3 "If ye fear
that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women
of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able
to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that
your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing
injustice."
This extract I'll quote from Islam: The True
Religion of God Almighty below shows why Noble Verse 4:3 was introduced (and
again, not initiated) in Islam:
"Noble Verse 4:3 was revealed to Prophet
Muhammad peace be upon him in Madina after he migrated to it from Mecca and
established an Islamic state there right after the battle of Uhud in which the
Muslims not only had lost badly against the Pagans, but also suffered a
dramatic decrease in the number of Muslim men. The Muslim men before that
battle were approximately 700. They became only 400 after the battle. This loss
had left so many Muslim women (1) Widows, and (2) Not able to get married if
they were single.
To make matters even worse, the Muslims had faced
yet another battle against the Pagans in Mecca and its neighboring tribes who
wanted to attack the Muslims in Madina to finish off Islam once and for all,
and by the Jews and the Christians in Madina who betrayed the Muslims in the
"battle of Trench" after signing a defense treaty with Muhammad peace
be upon him against the Pagans.
All praise due to Allah Almighty. With Allah's Will
and Mercy, the Muslims had miraculously won the battle against the Pagans of
Mecca and drove them back to where they came from, and then attacked the Jews
and the Christians who betrayed the defense treaty and kicked those hypocrites
out of Madina forever!
These continuous battles against the Muslims were
very costly in terms of Muslim men's lives. The women had to be taken care of
one way or another. For this reason, Allah Almighty had revealed the Noble
Verse 4:3 to Muhammad peace be upon him to solve the social problems that the
Muslims were facing. That is why at the very beginning of the Noble Verse 4:3
we see Allah Almighty setting a conditional clause for Orphans "If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly
with the orphans...(4:3)." This Noble Verse came down for the
purpose of protecting the Orphans and to increase the number of the Muslims by
allowing the men to marry multiple wives (preferably from the grown Orphans at
that time), up to four wives only. The purpose was absolutely not for man's
sexual pleasure nor privilege, nor was
it to support man's personal ego. It was revealed to solve a major social
problem to prevent major sins such as illegal sex and prostitution.
Polygamy is not encouraged in the Noble Quran, nor
Allah Almighty had allowed it because He really liked it. He was clearly
careful to highly discourage polygamy to men by telling them "but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly
(with them), then only one...(4:3)" which clearly orders men to
either be fair or to not marry at all, despite the fact that we lost many men,
Allah Almighty still didn't want polygamy to really take place. That's why He
later told men "Ye are never able to be fair
and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire...(4:129)" which
clearly nullifies the excuse that He gave them to practice polygamy. Is this a
contradiction then? Absolutely not! It clearly proves that when Allah Almighty
allowed polygamy, He only allowed it because we (the Muslims) had an emergency;
we lost almost half of our men if not even more. When Islam later became much
stronger and Muslims defeated the infidels in the continues battles that were
forced upon them (the Muslims), Allah Almighty nullified the excuse that he
gave to men to practice polygamy, which would then lead to prohibiting polygamy
altogether."
What the quote above in brief means is that Islam
restricted "polygyny" in its true sense (refer to the clarification
of definitions given above). Before we proceed, it is strongly suggested to
read what Dr Zakir Naik has to say about polygamy:
There are some clear conditions attached with this
practice:
1) financial,
2) physical and emotional ability,
3) equal treatment of the wives,
4) the approval of the prospective
female to this kind of marriage,
5) the wives are among those who are not
prohibited for him to marry either permanently (such as aunts, foster daughters
and others, or temporary such as marrying two sisters at the same time),
6) and that the number of wives is
limited to up to four.
Clearly, polygyny was allowed to alleviate suffering
and pain, and not to cause it. But like everything else that is
'permitted' and is in people's self-interests, there tends to be an abuse of
it. Many 'men of faith' practise it because they think they can, to substitute
their older wife (wives) with younger ones, to satisfy their high sex drives
(i.e. to commit adultery under the umbrella of verse 4:3 above) or simply
because others are doing it. In the 20th century, Abd al Aziz, who was once the
ruler of Saudi Arabia, married around 300 women for the sake of his 'gene
pool'. There are many other sheiks who keep marrying and divorcing girls
everyday just enough to uphold the cycle of 4 women permitted. Often, it is a
thing of miracle for a father to remember the names of his off-springs. Many more,
strategically, marry and produce children with a first woman; they then proceed
to take another one woman with the view that their first wives cannot leave
them for the sake of their children.
All of the above cases are forced, and hence, go
against what Islam permitted. A marriage contract allows for both the man and
the woman to lay down conditions they think will help them maintain peace and
happiness in their future together. In case the contract is disrespected by the
husband, the wife has the right to appeal to an Islamic Court.
The verses below lucidly illustrate the wife's
rights in a marriage contract and the importance accorded to her will:
Verse (4:19) (see link for
translations): http://corpus.quran.com/translation.jsp?chapter=4&verse=19
“And among His Signs is this, that He
created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility
with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that
are Signs for those who reflect.”(Quran 30: 21)”
"live with them ( wife or wives) on
a footing of kindness and equity” (Quran 4:19)
“And women (wives) shall have rights
similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men
have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.” (Quran
2:28)
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also said:
"The best
man among you is the best with his wife".
"The best of your women are
those: Who are loving and kindly; who look after their chastity; Who are not
arrogant or disobedient to their husbands; Who are faithful to their husband in
their absence."
Polygyny in Islam was a provision, a remedy for a
social disbalance that could occur in exceptional cases. Allah did not directly
prohibit it because Islam is a true religion for all times and all places that
doesn't need to be modified, the Quran is the last Holy book that was to
descend to us and our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was to be our last guide.
This is why, by logic and good reason, Allah left the issue of polygyny open
for Muslims in case they will require this 'remedy' for social and economic
'diseases' that they will face.
In 2012, according to estimates by the CIA, the
world's male to female ratio is 1.01 male(s)/female. Simple Mathematics would
show that there is no gender imbalance as such. Of course, there are many men
dying in wars, but there are also many women killed for various reasons, in
wars as well. So if every man takes four wives, that should mean three-quarter
of the world's men would have to go without wives. And if a man's sex drive is
so strong that it cannot be controlled during the 7-days of menstruation of his
wife (another reason for polygyny advocated by some), then the bachelors would
be finding themselves raping married women-- something we could not blame them
for if they acted powerlessly in face of their high sex drive. Would this then
not contradict the purpose for which polygyny was allowed in Islam?
That a man needs to marry four wives because he
needs to attain sexual satisfaction and spiritual wellbeing is a fallacious
argument. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would have married only virgins
if he really practised polygyny for the sake of sexual pleasure:
"He was married to one wife, Khadijah, until
she died. He had all his children, except one, from Khadijah. Thus, she and her
children enjoyed the Prophet's full attention for as long as she was married to
him; twenty-five years. For all practical purposes, Muhammad had one wife -
from the age of 25 to 50. During the remaining 13 years of his life, he married
the aged widows of his friends who left many children. The children needed a
complete home, with a fatherly figure, and the Prophet provided that. Providing
a fatherly figure for orphans is the only specific circumstance in support of
polygamy mentioned in the Quran (4:3).
Other than marrying widowed mothers of orphans,
there were three political marriages in the Prophet's life. His close friends
Abu Bakr and Omar insisted that he marry their daughters, Aisha and Hafsah, to
establish traditional family ties among them. The third marriage was to Maria
the Egyptian; she was given to him as a political gesture of friendship from
the ruler of Egypt.
This perfect example tells us that a man must give
his full attention and loyalty in marriage to his wife and children in order to
raise a happy and wholesome family."[Quran: the final testament :
authorized English version]
Islam has allowed everyone, men and women alike, to
freely choose what they think is best for themselves and asks for this choice to be respected. If more and more people, especially women, are choosing
monogamy today, it does not mean a disobedience to Allah. I personally think monogamy is the best choice out.
Because when Allah created Adam and placed him in
Eden where he was to be the happiest of all creatures, He created for him only
one Eve.
_______________________________________________________________
References:
CIA Demographic Ratios:
https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/xx.html
Reasons why I personally prefer monogamy:
ReplyDeleteA woman's confidant, her best friend, her guide is her husband. She needs her life partner everyday. Life isn't about a few days in a week, it's ongoing, full of surprises, of unprecedented events. A relationship remains strong if these are lived together, together as a pair.
Since in a polygyny, the husband has to show equal consideration to all his wives, display of affection is not possible in front of the others. So, if he is walking with them in a garden and wants to hold someone's hand, he cannot do so unless he holds all the four's. If there is a river ahead, and he wants to carry his woman, he cannot do so unless he travels in the river 8 times to take each of them individually. If he is driving his car, he cannot privilege one of them to sit in front with him. Even on a motorcycle or a bicycle, there could only be one partner to accompany him. These are little practical things. They may seem ordinary in everyday life, but it's those same ordinary things that, in the long term, bring out the extraordinary in a marriage.
Marriage is about total acceptance and sharing. It is about learning to give of oneself to the other. A woman cannot give her 100% for 25% in return, at some point in time, it will become demoralizing. Marriage is about accepting the flaws of the other, in return for being accepted despite one's own flaws. It is about forsaking the others for a single person that we choose. Whether her husband cheats on her or takes another wife, bottomline is the same for the wife: that she is not the only woman in the life of the only man in her life.
Besides, women are jealous by nature, maybe not concerning everything, but certainly about whom they consider to be the most important person in their lives. Polygamy, often, tends to be only a compromise. Gradually, it creates a psychologically negative institution for the woman if she has to share her husband with others-- and this is in no way healthy.
A woman would naturally not like it at all if her children aren't given the proper attention, or they are given less attention by their father than his other wives' children. The role of the father tends to be limited in societies that practise polygamy: he works during the day, and goes to one wife for the night. The children being neglected and condemned to spend more time with their mothers do not really find the male role model that a child needs to grow.
'Variety' in a couple's life can be brought in different ways, and perhaps more excitedly if there is very close intimacy between them. In many polygamous marriage, the woman is more interested in fulfilling her husband's needs and forgets about her own or perhaps will just lie like a statue and will be afraid to speak up thinking that the other women aren't. There is no 'upliftment' in such a relationship.
These, to say, may sound simple. But they help people greatly miss the essence of marriage. Half of our deen.
very nice article. concise and clear. i will also support monogamy as it would be very hard to maintain peace and satisfy more then one woman. but polygamy should be practiced if the circumstances demand it just like if the population of a country consists of more woman population then you gotta think about them as well.plus if some couple gets fertility issues then the husband could marry another woman. (genetic engineering or test tube baby thing is an option as well to avoid polygamy but very less people can afford the medical solutions etc) it depends on on'e situation to make a decision.
ReplyDeleteSomething you said hit my brain. If the first woman is infertile, there is also the option of adopting a child. No dearth of orphans in the world. That's what many people in Western societies would actually do, so that they enjoy parenting together. Good approach to solve a 'social problem'(infertility) using another social problem (poverty).
DeleteBut in Muslim societies, that's far from being a possibility. Until the time comes when genetic engineering and test tube babies are affordable to many, the husband will take another wife and raise children with her. He cannot adopt, because he has his own gene pool and he has to propagate that, to 'plant that wherever he can'. Well, don't you think this mental setting traps the male too? If he is the one who is infertile, then what is he left to do? Suicide?
Thank you for reading. See you around again. :)
Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteI also prefer monogamy..
Because I can't don't cruelty on Anyones life ,
I'm not sure that I'll be good at just among my wives,
Because I'm a weak human, off course love one more than
Other, Well one can do polygamy in the case,
If he is not satisfied by his first wife and his inner Nafas is
Dominanting and drawing his mind toward Sin(e.g to have sex with another woman)
So in this case , it's better you marry another one rather met another without
Nekah... But justice is must as it's mention in this Article above ...
Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) had four wives..
So having four wives is a type of sunnah too but conditions are also
Mentioned too.. So should be keep in mind...
And HE(S.A.W) didn't marry for his like or dislike or to fulfill His inner feelings, but His
Thoughts , reasons and condition were completely different...
He done many marriages in different tribe, just to spread Islam in good and smooth way,
And that all the tribe can easily understand it....
Specially the problems, rights, duties etc etc related to Women ...
Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) married Hazrat Ayesha (R.A) when she was just 9years old ..
He married her.. So that after Him, there should be someone who live for abit long time ,
And forward his Words(Sunnah) to others...
If you read histroy, so you'll come to know that She was Second person, who narrated and
Copied the Hadith than another person...
There is too much to say, but I'm too much lazy to write... :-S
You know Alpha :-P
Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteI also prefer monogamy..
Because I can't do cruelty on Anyones life ,
I'm not sure that I'll be good at just among my wives,
Because I'm a weak human, off course love one more than
Other, Well one can do polygamy in the case,
If he is not satisfied by his first wife and his inner Nafas is
Dominanting and drawing his mind toward Sin(e.g to have sex with another woman)
So in this case , it's better you marry another one rather met another without
Nekah... But justice is must as it's mention in this Article above ...
Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) had four wives..
So having four wives is a type of sunnah too but conditions are also
Mentioned too.. So should be keep in mind...
And HE(S.A.W) didn't marry for his like or dislike or to fulfill His inner feelings, but His
Thoughts , reasons and condition were completely different...
He done many marriages in different tribe, just to spread Islam in good and smooth way,
And that all the tribe can easily understand it....
Specially the problems, rights, duties etc etc related to Women ...
Hazrat Muhammad (S.A.W) married Hazrat Ayesha (R.A) when she was just 9years old ..
He married her.. So that after Him, there should be someone who live for abit long time ,
And forward his Words(Sunnah) to others...
If you read histroy, so you'll come to know that She was Second person, who narrated and
Copied the Hadith than another person...
There is too much to say, but I'm too much lazy to write... :-S
You know Alpha :-P
Please check out ...
I typed in sleepy status .. Maybe there are spelling mistakes or anyone word used in opposite meaning huh^^
Well, it is a common fact that males do feel attraction for more than one female. Even if he marries four times, he will continue being attracted to other females. That's why I took the example of the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) above, because polygyny was not, not at all, a 'remedy' allowed to solve this problem. It can never solve this problem simply because male to female attraction is a more than a 4 times occurrence. That's why marriage is an institution. It teaches abstinence, promotes purity, and helps to curb temptation. That is why you don't marry the persons you want to live with, but marry the one you cannot live without.
DeletePart of the article explains Hazrat Muhammad's (S.A.W) marriages. Check it above. But yes, he did not marry for the sake of pleasure. Any woman at that time would have done anything to be with him, any father would have given his daughter to the man Muslims would love most for the years to come. He could easily have married to entertain his temporary 'attraction' for females, but he did not. He was human too. He was a husband too. But he was faithful and just.
Thank you for checking out and commenting. Hope to see you more often here. :)
Well, As you said that:
Delete"It is a common fact that males do feel attraction for more than one female. Even if he marries four times, he will continue being attracted to other females."
But I think, Its better to do Nakah if any male has feeling for anyone woman, but He must be sure, that he has already three not four Rather to Rape any girl or women without Nakah...Isn't So ?
In case of Four,,,
(Talak is the only Jaiz action, which is even hated by ALLAH too) but its JAIZ...
'Lust' and 'love' are two wholly different things. Developing feelings for another woman is really about the integrity of a man. The woman, too, can take the liberty to develop feelings for someone else, no? Then, wouldn't she too be allowed another Nikah?
DeleteLike I said in my post. Anything that is 'permitted' for a good reason tends to be abused for reasons man makes to protect his own interests. Allah never permitted a man to marry more than once for the sake of satisfying his desire. It is not "jaiz" to do so. Polygyny was allowed at a time when orphans and widows were left without support when their husbands and fathers died in wars.
If a woman can love you and hold on to only you for her whole life, then why cannot you do the same? Even the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) took his second wife after Khadija died. He didn't kill her with his attraction for another woman.
I didn't say, Satisfying a man desire is Jaiz but I used word jaiz for Talak....
DeleteAnyhow, There is something i can't describe in english, I wish you can understand my mother language and speak that to you....
And I do agree that polygamy was allowed at when orphans and widows were left without support when their husbands and fathers died in wars.
But (Besides this) Have you ever noted Arabs(Some of tribes) ?
What they do, Just marry a woman, child from her and then Talak..... I personally wittness this....
and for those who has super dominating Nafas so for them...
It must be a prophet, and indeed, it was Prophet Muhammad(saw) who directed Muslims to get married or observe patience until one gets married. ‘Abdullah b. Mas’ud reported Allah’s Messenger(saw) as saying, "Young man, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at strange women and preserves you from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire." (Bukhari and Muslim)
Well We humans(men) are too much weak, as compare to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh)... and we cant touch His foot soil even....
Okay you just answer me, One thing,
What a male can do , If he is attracted by another female and she is having a wife too.... and He is too much weak that He cant control his self and even can do, what i mention above("Young man, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at strange women and preserves you from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire." (Bukhari and Muslim) ) ?
"Young man, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at strange women and preserves you from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire." (Bukhari and Muslim)
DeleteAren't you contradicting yourself? He talked about A wife, not 'Another' wife. If he is too weak and cannot control, then do as the Prophet (pbuh) said: Fast.
Though monogamy is preferred by most people nowadays, promiscuity is encouraged in a suger-coated pill - in the form of dating, boy/girlfriends, extramarital affairs etc.
ReplyDeleteIf you can have 4 girlfriends, what is the problem of polygamy then? Why should polygamy, which is very much permitted by Islam, be a taboo when having 10 girlfriends and leaving one for another isn't?
God created human with sexual needs, both men and women. In some cases, someone may not be satisfied with just one partner. Therefore, polygamy has been legalised by God. Why should you have problem with polygamy when you are sidelining other more important issues like nudity, pornography and rampant dating?
If you are taking the religious point of view, please research the matter more. All of the blessed Prophet(PBUH)'s companions had many wives. Umar (ra) had 9 wives. Ali (ra) had at least 3. Abu Bakr (ra) had 4 wives. Uthman (ra) had 3 wives.
Surely, if monogamy was endorsed by Islam, at least one of the Prophet (pbuh)'s companions would have remained "faithful" to only one wife?
"Because when Allah created Adam and placed him in Eden where he was to be the happiest of all creatures, He created for him only one Eve. "
DeleteIf you want to debate in the religious standpoint: Do you know that the lowest stature of man who enters Heaven would have 72 wives serving him? (Tirmize). So, why did not God instead, chose him to be with his wife in this earth (and consequently remain "faithful"), in Paradise?
The conditions of Polygamy are (according to Quran): 1) restricted to 4 wives 2) financial and physical ability.
DeleteConditions have been added for polygamy in many Muslim countries. For example, in Egypt, the permission of the first wife must first be obtained. This and similar conditions are a result of colonial domination. No woman in her right mind will give her husband permission to take a second wife. Such a condition, in fact, negates the permission given by God in the Quran.
Besides, there is no instance of the Prophet or his Companions asking previous wives for permission in polygamy
I have reread my article again and I don’t see where I have sidelined the “other more important issues” that you are talking of. Instead I said somewhere: “But like everything else that is 'permitted' and is in people's self-interests, there tends to be an abuse of it. Many 'men of faith' practise it because they think they can, to substitute their older wife (wives) with younger ones, to satisfy their high sex drives (i.e. to commit adultery under the umbrella of verse 4:3 above) or simply because others are doing it.” How does that mean I am encouraging nudity, pornography or rampant dating?
DeleteAnd I said furthermore in my reply to Innocent’s comments: “Like I said in my post. Anything that is 'permitted' for a good reason tends to be abused for reasons man makes to protect his own interests. Allah never permitted a man to marry more than once for the sake of satisfying his desire. It is not "jaiz" to do so. Polygyny was allowed at a time when orphans and widows were left without support when their husbands and fathers died in wars.”
That is exactly the mindset with which you are arguing. Really, anything that is ‘permitted’ for a good reason IS abused for reasons man makes to protect his self interests. Islam strictly prohibits dating, fornication and adultery. There is absolutely no doubt about that. Then, why do you even bother to compare these situations which I will call ‘extreme bad’ to the modern practice of polygyny? Is it because comparing it with the ‘extreme bad’ will give weight to something less bad and justify your arguments? On the contrary.
Allah has made man his Best Creation and says in the Holy Qur’an:
“You are the best of Peoples, evolved for mankind. Enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in Allah”(3:110).
Indeed, the human brain is so powerful, so complex, so perfect that alone it stands as proof enough of the existence of a Superior Power. He created him with similar needs to animals—need for food, warmth, and sexual needs. But he gave him a brain, a sense of judgement, or morality, of choice, of discerning what is right from what is wrong. Marriage is a controlling institution in that it legalizes sex and purifies it with love. "It is He Who created you from a single person, and made his mate of like nature, in order that he might dwell with her in love" (7:189).
Sayyid Qutub illuminated in his book In the Shade of Quran:" Islam aims at eliminating all forms of pure animalistic sexual behavior. Islam wishes to help establish a proper home and a caring family resulting of the proper and lawful sexual relationship. Islam does not tolerate a mere sexual relationship that makes the human being very much like an animal, which is driven only by his mere sex for mating and reproduction. Islam erects a loving and caring relationship between two hearts and bodies of two human beings who live together and have the same hopes and common ground life. The proper "marriage nest" that is built on such basis would house the new generation under the custody, care, and guardianship of both Muslim parents. Hence, Islam instituted very strict and severe punishment for adultery and fornication. Islam considers adultery as animalistic behavior that abolishes all human manners and principles. If a person is merely interested and concerned to satisfy his sexual desires, he would turn into an animal in the shape and body of a human being. Such a person may not be trusted for being in charge of the prosperity on earth. In fact, there is no real emotional satisfaction of the mere sexual relationship. Emotional relationship is a continuous, everlasting, and caring one. It is not, in reality, what is categorized to be in terms of a short-term materialistic love as a response for the bodily attractions only, although some people may shed so many emotional characteristics on it. Islam does not, at all, fight, or stand in the way of the normal human behavior, but rather controls it, organizes it, purifies it, and elevates it above the level of the animalistic behavior. Islam promotes the human sexuality or lust to become the core of the personal morals, social attitudes, and relationships. As for adultery and fornication, and more precisely prostitution, one feels that it is, in reality, empty of all these feelings, emotions, and sense of belonging and relationship. Islam looks at prostitution as one of the lowest ill acts of a human society. Such a poor practice makes man below the level of animals in attitudes and behavior. In fact, there are many animals who live a decent and organized social life, away from the mess and confusion that prostitution creates in some human societies "[68].
DeleteThere is no such reliable scientific study that says man, by nature, is unhappy with monogamy (i.e. with only one sexual partner). Only suppositions, and justifications. Likewise, there are many researches that posit sexual fidelity brings more happiness. Why then, are men so ardent in seeking ‘variety in sex’? It’s all psychological play. We are a race of consumerism; we consume and consume and keep consuming. Men have come to treat women as ‘continental dishes’. They keep glaring at Magazines, advertisements, the television, the Internet, pornography, Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, everywhere, for pictures and sights of women. Have you ever counted the number of females you watch everyday? This subconsciously creates in their minds a desire to ‘taste’ every ‘dish’. A desire created by visualization, not because they hold any particular feelings for these females. Surely now, you are going to tell me “But we are men! What can we do if women are such exhibitionists?” Does this not bring us back to comparison with an ‘extreme bad’ for the mere sake of justification? Does it suffice to say that “we are men”, so we are never wrong?
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4886 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik that he heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) say: 'The eye commits 'zina', and the palm of the hand, the foot, the body, the tongue and private part of the body confirm it or deny it.'
We have been clearly warned about it. Everywhere, at every step of life, the devil will try to manipulate us. That is why we are given a brain, isn’t it? To discern what is right and what is wrong. Isn’t there a part of responsibility of the male, to protect himself from attention- and money-seekers? Isn’t it easier to come and blame others who are wrong for our own wrongdoings? They are already on the bad side, so how does it matter if we throw our own bad to their side?
DeleteAllah says,
"And Jannat will be the place of residence for that person who fears standing in front of his Lord and restrains himselffroin evil desires and lust." (79:40)
Anas bin Malik narrates that our beloved Prophet (pbuh) said,
"Hellfire has been covered with desires and Jannat has been covered with difficulties." (Bukhari, Sahih Muslim)
So yeah, Islam advocates self-restraint, sacrifices, and non-indulgence to carnal pleasures. When you say “someone may not be satisfied with just one partner”, I hope you know where it is going to lead you to. Because Islam does not hide promiscuity under polygyny. It is blasphemy and totally abject to the pure sexual relationship and bond of mutual love and trust established between a husband and a wife.
I have been talking about the Prophet’s (pbuh) marriages since the beginning itself but it seems that people only choose to believe that part of a whole that is suited to them. My comment will be too long if I quote it here, so please take the time to read the page before you continue reading me: http://www.islamreligion.com/articles/209/.
Did you notice that the Prophet (pbuh) has tried to form female leaders before he left this world? Was it because he already had known then that women will be subject to abuses in the future?
It was the Prophet (pbuh) who said that man could not be fair with women, wasn’t it? Did you also know that there existed jealousy among his women, the best of all?
“’Aisha says: “Never did I feel jealous of any woman as I was jealous of Khadija. She had died three years before he [Muhammad] married me. I often heard him praise her, and his Lord . . . had commanded him to give her the glad tidings of a palace of Jewels in Paradise, and whenever he slaughtered a sheep he presented its meat to her female companions” (5971). Once, in a fit of jealousy, ’Aisha told Muhammad: “Why do you remember one of those old women of the Quraish with gums red and who is so long dead-while Allah has given you a better one in her stead?” (5976).
There is an interesting story narrated by Ibn IshAq. During his last illness, just a few days before his death, Muhammad found ’Aisha crying with headache. Muhammad said to her: “Would it distress you if you were to die before me so that I might wrap you in your shroud and pray over you and bury you?” ’Aisha replied: “Methink I see you if you had done that returning to my house and spending a bridal night therein with one of your wives.”
Maymouna daughter of Alhareth Alhelalyah; a widow who will be happy to get a husband – The last wife of the Prophet – May Allah's satisfaction be upon all his wives. Her husband Abou-Rahm son of Abdelozza Alaamiry died and her her brother-in-law Alabbas married her to the Prophet– May Allah's blessings and peace be upon him. When she got the good omen of the engagement from the prophet, she jumped up of her donkey very happily to hear such news.
The Holy Quran mentioned this as she was the one who wanted to marry the Prophet: “And any believing woman who dedicates her soul to the prophet, if the prophet wishes to wed her. This is only for you and not for the believers.” ( Al Ahzab:50) “
[Faqihuddin Abdul Kodir, MA]
The Prophet (pbuh) could never erase the old non-virgin Khadija from his memory, was it because he was done with her after she satisfied his sexual appetite? No, because he discovered that he was capable of something greater—of love.
DeleteFaqihuddin says more:
“Should we talk about the prophet’s practice you have to know that the Prophet had been married for more than 30 years. Nevertheless, during 28 years the Prophet was faithful to monogamy while for 8 years he was polygamous. When we use proportion, the consideration that polygamy is Sunnah is funny. The reason is that if it is considered as sunnah, why didn’t the Prophet perform it since the start of his marriage? Even the Prophet’s monogamy was performed within the Arab social circumstance that considers polygamy to be natural.
It is clear that the Prophet had a happy and successful monogamous life. Remember how sad the Prophet was after the death of Khadijah, his only wife. Even that year (the tenth year of prophethood) is called as amulhuzn (the year of mourning). Two years later, the Prophet engaged in polygamy for a short time only.
One should remember the case when the Prophet forbade Ali bin Abi Thalib to engage in polygamy in allowing his daughter, Fatimah, to become a co-wife as related in Hadits sahih (a reliable prophetic tradition transmitted by Bukhari and Muslim in their sahih books). This was also transmitted by the prominent ulemas of Hadits like Turmudzi and Ibnu Majah.
the Prophet was annoyed when he heard that her daughter, Fatimah, would enter into a polygamous marriage with Ali. The Prophet came to the mosque, climbed the podium and delivered a speech in which he said: “the family of Bani Hasyim bin al-Mughirah has asked my permission to marry their daughter with Ali bin Abi Thalib. The Prophet said: “innî lâ ‘âdzan, (I would not permit), tsumma lâ ‘âdzan (I would not give permission, at all), tsumma lâ âdzan illâ an a h abba ‘ibn Abî Thâlib an yuthalliq ‘ibnatî, (I would not give permission at all, except if Ali bin Abi Thalib divorces my daughter first. Then the Prophet continued, Fâthimah bidh‘atun minnî, yurîbunî mâ ‘arâbahâ wa yu’dzînî mâ ‘adzâhâ, Fatimah is a part of me: what annoys her would annoy me, and what hurts her would hurt me too” (Jâmi’ al-Ushûl, juz XII, 162, number of hadis: 9026). Finally Ali bin Abi Thalib remained in a monogamous relationship up to the death of Fatimah.
The principle point of that book is that polygamy is an Islamic injunction, and that the man who is polygamous is better than who is monogamous. Actually, this saying is not based on the Qur’an and the Hadits, but it is based on the saying of Ibn Abbas, tazawwaj fainna khaira hâdzi al-ummah aktsaruhâ nisâ’an who said to his friend, Said bin Zubeir: “get married! Since the best Muslim is the one who has many wives”. Yet, if we discuss it’s meaning, there would be many improper translations. Given that his translation is right, the problem is that it is merely the saying of Ibnu Abbas, a sahabat (companion).
Not all the ulemas agree that the saying of sahabat can be hujjah, that is, be a valid religious argument. Imam Syafii for instance, says that mazhabus shahâbah, laisat bi
hujjatin muthlaqah, sayings of sahabat are not arguments at all. Imam Hanafi said that wain khâlafahul qiyâs fainnahu hujjah, wain lam yukhâlif, fahiyâl hujjah means that if it opposes the analogy (qiyâs), it could not be made as hujjah, especially in the field of akidah (Islamic belief). Since the field of akidah in the religion could not be based on analogy. While talking about the faith, torture of the grave, and so on, the sayings of sahabat could be made as argument. But when we talk about something through analogy, it could not be made as hujjah, since each of them have their own analogies; sahabat has tabi’in (followers) as well.
So according to Hanafi, the views of sahabat could be used as a reference in the matter of akidah. But when it is related with mu’amalah (social life matter) and daily life, it can’t be. The matter of polygamy is included in social matters (mu’amalah). Hence the sayings of sahabat cannot be used as the basis for arguing for polygamy.
DeleteWe have to understand that fiqh was written in the past, where women’s position and their bargaining power was weak. Few people raised their voices on behalf of women’s interests. So when they talk about justice, they rarely talked about it from a women’s perspective.
That’s the fact. It is women who have been enduring this injustice. Hence, monogamy or polygamy is merely one particular matter. Its analogy is that we may or we may not write about the debt. It’s a matter of choice. While the principle thing in Islam is the doctrine of justice. It means that each party, women and men should receive their rights proportionally. Hence, when we talk about the principle, sure we should return to the reality.
The matter of polygamy is related between men and women. The question is: how far is justice materialized through polygamy. If it is not manifested, polygamy could be prohibited. The justice is not interpreted by the men’s perception only. Currently the meaning of justice has been interpreted from one side. That’s improper. In order to know justice, many things should be involved, especially the issue of women as victims of polygamy. The institutions of research/advocating that analyses the cases of polygamy could be asked for their views.
In fiqh, a woman who does not want to have a co-wife has rights. In fiqh there are requirements for a man who wants to engage in polygamy. The wife can reject having a co-wife even though some ulema observe that this sort of requirement is invalid. When she has a co-wife, she can ask for a divorce. So it is wrong to say that a wife who blocks her husband’s desire for polygamy is prohibited by religion as has been said by Drs Muhammad Thalib.
I said in my article that polygamy is a process which dehumanizes women. The first wives endure self –depreciation and suffer. Some of them consider that the suffering is a part of sacrifice, destiny, and blame themselves for leading her husband to perform polygamy.”
I mentioned many hadiths and verses concerning women in my post, you blatantly ignored that when you said “The conditions of Polygamy are (according to Quran): 1) restricted to 4 wives 2) financial and physical ability.” Can you prove to me the validity of what you proclaimed? Or can you disprove the validity of the rights given to women in Islam which I mentioned? Or will you argue that her view isn’t needed, according to Islam, when her husband decides to take a second wife? Why is that hadith about Fatimah not known to everyone? Is it because some of our scholars are trying to propagate a ‘masculine Islam’?
DeleteSo, now you have proof of an instance where the Prophet (pbuh) protected his daughter from a polygamous marriage that she did not want.
"Muhammad isn't the father of any man among you, but he's the messenger of Allah and the seal of the prophets." (Alahzab: 40)
The Prophet (pbuh) also told people not to wish for others what they would not wish for themselves and their families. This was a very effective way of making people see just. Their good sense miraculously gets back into their brain, and they come to realize they have a heart like others. I pray it never happens to your mother, but there is no other way you will ‘realise’ what it takes. What if, tomorrow, your father decides to take another wife on the grounds that he is ‘bored’ with your mother, and your mother does not accept it? Would you not consider her rights?
Let us for one second forget what the hadiths say. It does not take a superhuman brain to understand what ‘justice’ and ‘fairness’ mean. You get married today and take a woman in your life. She forsakes her youth and her love to you and only you, and will do so for the rest of her life. Tomorrow, you will decide to take someone else against her wishes and break the trust she initially had in you when she decided to engage in a Nikah (Arabic word for ‘contract’) with you? Would that mean you have no sense of moral justice at all? Not even enough shame to care for the feelings of the one who has entrusted her life to you? Even a man without religion understands that.
Perhaps because the man who enters Jannah will have the best foods in abundance, but he will not be greedy? Perhaps because he will have wealth to the power of infinity, but he will not be corrupt? The inhabitants of Jannah will be among the bests of men: just and fair. They will not have entered there for the sake of satisfying their carnal desires by 72 women, but for the sake of Allah.
DeleteI will still maintain what I said. When Allah created Adam, He created for him only one Eve. For an Adam who was then free of sin. You must realize that basing our arguments about the Hereafter wouldn’t lead to anywhere, because we are told that there in will be things the eyes had never seen, the ears never heard of, and the mouth never tasted.
Allah has said that both men and women will obtain something exceptional in Jannah. The ‘hours’ are not humans, they have been specially created to cater for the needs of the Paradise people. Besides, ‘hours’ have not been used to indicate any specific gender, although many assume they are used for maidens. In Jannah, there will be no such feelings as jealousy, envy, etc. Sexual intercourse itself will have been lifted to another level. I have read somewhere that the human females will be 70 times more beautiful than the Hoors, and that their husbands will never tire of them. No one will be unhappy in Jannah, marriage will not be temporary, it will be permanent. If a woman doesn’t want to share her husband there, Allah could create for her a hour (male) or he could also make her the most beautiful woman in Jannah and her husband will never ‘be bored’ of her. When I say never here, it’s for eternity. These are reasons we can advance, He could also grant her wish in ways we cannot think of, the human brain isn’t more powerful than the one who created it.
And what you mentioned is a reward, a carrot tied to a stick to entice humans to tread on the Right Path. People can take it as well as they can leave it. Did you know that there are many men and women of faith (people who would give up their life but abide by their words) who have sworn to remain monogamous in Jannah—and this too is a granted wish? Assure yourself, they are not mad. They have just discovered on Earth a bliss they would not like to lose in Jannah.
Definitely worth a read:
ReplyDeletehttp://khutbahbank.org.uk/2008/05/polygamy-in-islam-inspirational-khutbah/
The Qur’an states in surah 4:12 that treating one’s wives equally is a very difficult matter.
“You are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire.”
Thus since equal treatment of wives is impossible, however hard a person tries, a man should marry only one wife. It is evident from the aforementioned facts that Islam neither introduced nor enforced polygyny. This rather indicates that in Islam monogamy is the rule and polygyny the exception. The Holy Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also states in a hadeeth.
“A person who had two wives and was favourably inclined towards one, he would come on Judgment day in a condition by dragging the one side of his body (disgraced).”
So, when a man is poor and is not able to care for his wife and children, then polygyny is not allowed for him. His failure to maintain a second wife will result in strife and obscenity, which will defeat the very objective of marriage, which is supposed to be a lawful union of love, harmony and tranquility between a man and a woman.
Thus, though Islam has restricted the number of wives in a polygynous relationship, and allowed it as an answer to certain situations, it has also expressly forbid it to be abused and used as a tool for mere sexual gratification and abuse of women. In conclusion, allow me to narrate to you an anecdote on the topic of polygyny.
“A man married a second wife with the permission of his first wife. He treated them with absolute justice and equality. They all lived very happily, when suddenly, both wives died. After making all the preparations for burial, he realized they had only one front door. He instantly hired a builder to chop down part of the wall and construct another front door, through which he will take both wives out simultaneously. That night he went to sleep happily satisfied with his sense of justice. However, his first wife appeared in his dream and she was very upset. She thanked him for the wonderful life they had together, but why…, she asked …why did you take her through the new door and I was take through the old door ?