Polygamy is defined as the custom of having more
than one spouse at the same time. A polygyny refers to the marriage of a man
with multiple women at the same time. A polyandry is the term used to denote
the marriage of a woman to more than one man at the same time. A group marriage
is used to denote the marriage of multiple husbands and wives at the same time.
"At the same time" is an important word here as some countries do not
consider religious marriages to be legal ones, unless there has also been a
court marriage-- source of many abuses in societies.
Polygamy is practised in many religions of the world
but I shall mostly talk about Islam since it directly concerns me (and to avoid
the post being too long). But if you practice another religion and wish to base
your comments upon it, it shall be most welcomed. This is why the title has
been left open as "Polygamy" instead of "Polygamy in
Islam."
Do note that "polygyny", by its true
definition is not allowed in Islam. Islam restricts the number of wives that
can be taken to 4, while in a polygyny, there is no limit to this number. When
referred to polygyny in the article, it is referred to polygyny in Islam since
there is no equivalent I found I could use.
As many people are aware, polygyny was allowed in
Islam, and for very good reasons with strict limitations. But it was never initiated
by Islam.
The verse in the Quran says:
Noble Verse 4:3 "If ye fear
that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women
of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able
to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that
your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing
injustice."
This extract I'll quote from Islam: The True
Religion of God Almighty below shows why Noble Verse 4:3 was introduced (and
again, not initiated) in Islam:
"Noble Verse 4:3 was revealed to Prophet
Muhammad peace be upon him in Madina after he migrated to it from Mecca and
established an Islamic state there right after the battle of Uhud in which the
Muslims not only had lost badly against the Pagans, but also suffered a
dramatic decrease in the number of Muslim men. The Muslim men before that
battle were approximately 700. They became only 400 after the battle. This loss
had left so many Muslim women (1) Widows, and (2) Not able to get married if
they were single.
To make matters even worse, the Muslims had faced
yet another battle against the Pagans in Mecca and its neighboring tribes who
wanted to attack the Muslims in Madina to finish off Islam once and for all,
and by the Jews and the Christians in Madina who betrayed the Muslims in the
"battle of Trench" after signing a defense treaty with Muhammad peace
be upon him against the Pagans.
All praise due to Allah Almighty. With Allah's Will
and Mercy, the Muslims had miraculously won the battle against the Pagans of
Mecca and drove them back to where they came from, and then attacked the Jews
and the Christians who betrayed the defense treaty and kicked those hypocrites
out of Madina forever!
These continuous battles against the Muslims were
very costly in terms of Muslim men's lives. The women had to be taken care of
one way or another. For this reason, Allah Almighty had revealed the Noble
Verse 4:3 to Muhammad peace be upon him to solve the social problems that the
Muslims were facing. That is why at the very beginning of the Noble Verse 4:3
we see Allah Almighty setting a conditional clause for Orphans "If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly
with the orphans...(4:3)." This Noble Verse came down for the
purpose of protecting the Orphans and to increase the number of the Muslims by
allowing the men to marry multiple wives (preferably from the grown Orphans at
that time), up to four wives only. The purpose was absolutely not for man's
sexual pleasure nor privilege, nor was
it to support man's personal ego. It was revealed to solve a major social
problem to prevent major sins such as illegal sex and prostitution.
Polygamy is not encouraged in the Noble Quran, nor
Allah Almighty had allowed it because He really liked it. He was clearly
careful to highly discourage polygamy to men by telling them "but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly
(with them), then only one...(4:3)" which clearly orders men to
either be fair or to not marry at all, despite the fact that we lost many men,
Allah Almighty still didn't want polygamy to really take place. That's why He
later told men "Ye are never able to be fair
and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire...(4:129)" which
clearly nullifies the excuse that He gave them to practice polygamy. Is this a
contradiction then? Absolutely not! It clearly proves that when Allah Almighty
allowed polygamy, He only allowed it because we (the Muslims) had an emergency;
we lost almost half of our men if not even more. When Islam later became much
stronger and Muslims defeated the infidels in the continues battles that were
forced upon them (the Muslims), Allah Almighty nullified the excuse that he
gave to men to practice polygamy, which would then lead to prohibiting polygamy
altogether."
What the quote above in brief means is that Islam
restricted "polygyny" in its true sense (refer to the clarification
of definitions given above). Before we proceed, it is strongly suggested to
read what Dr Zakir Naik has to say about polygamy:
There are some clear conditions attached with this
practice:
1) financial,
2) physical and emotional ability,
3) equal treatment of the wives,
4) the approval of the prospective
female to this kind of marriage,
5) the wives are among those who are not
prohibited for him to marry either permanently (such as aunts, foster daughters
and others, or temporary such as marrying two sisters at the same time),
6) and that the number of wives is
limited to up to four.
Clearly, polygyny was allowed to alleviate suffering
and pain, and not to cause it. But like everything else that is
'permitted' and is in people's self-interests, there tends to be an abuse of
it. Many 'men of faith' practise it because they think they can, to substitute
their older wife (wives) with younger ones, to satisfy their high sex drives
(i.e. to commit adultery under the umbrella of verse 4:3 above) or simply
because others are doing it. In the 20th century, Abd al Aziz, who was once the
ruler of Saudi Arabia, married around 300 women for the sake of his 'gene
pool'. There are many other sheiks who keep marrying and divorcing girls
everyday just enough to uphold the cycle of 4 women permitted. Often, it is a
thing of miracle for a father to remember the names of his off-springs. Many more,
strategically, marry and produce children with a first woman; they then proceed
to take another one woman with the view that their first wives cannot leave
them for the sake of their children.
All of the above cases are forced, and hence, go
against what Islam permitted. A marriage contract allows for both the man and
the woman to lay down conditions they think will help them maintain peace and
happiness in their future together. In case the contract is disrespected by the
husband, the wife has the right to appeal to an Islamic Court.
The verses below lucidly illustrate the wife's
rights in a marriage contract and the importance accorded to her will:
“And among His Signs is this, that He
created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility
with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that
are Signs for those who reflect.”(Quran 30: 21)”
"live with them ( wife or wives) on
a footing of kindness and equity” (Quran 4:19)
“And women (wives) shall have rights
similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men
have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.” (Quran
2:28)
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) also said:
"The best
man among you is the best with his wife".
"The best of your women are
those: Who are loving and kindly; who look after their chastity; Who are not
arrogant or disobedient to their husbands; Who are faithful to their husband in
their absence."
Polygyny in Islam was a provision, a remedy for a
social disbalance that could occur in exceptional cases. Allah did not directly
prohibit it because Islam is a true religion for all times and all places that
doesn't need to be modified, the Quran is the last Holy book that was to
descend to us and our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) was to be our last guide.
This is why, by logic and good reason, Allah left the issue of polygyny open
for Muslims in case they will require this 'remedy' for social and economic
'diseases' that they will face.
In 2012, according to estimates by the CIA, the
world's male to female ratio is 1.01 male(s)/female. Simple Mathematics would
show that there is no gender imbalance as such. Of course, there are many men
dying in wars, but there are also many women killed for various reasons, in
wars as well. So if every man takes four wives, that should mean three-quarter
of the world's men would have to go without wives. And if a man's sex drive is
so strong that it cannot be controlled during the 7-days of menstruation of his
wife (another reason for polygyny advocated by some), then the bachelors would
be finding themselves raping married women-- something we could not blame them
for if they acted powerlessly in face of their high sex drive. Would this then
not contradict the purpose for which polygyny was allowed in Islam?
That a man needs to marry four wives because he
needs to attain sexual satisfaction and spiritual wellbeing is a fallacious
argument. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) would have married only virgins
if he really practised polygyny for the sake of sexual pleasure:
"He was married to one wife, Khadijah, until
she died. He had all his children, except one, from Khadijah. Thus, she and her
children enjoyed the Prophet's full attention for as long as she was married to
him; twenty-five years. For all practical purposes, Muhammad had one wife -
from the age of 25 to 50. During the remaining 13 years of his life, he married
the aged widows of his friends who left many children. The children needed a
complete home, with a fatherly figure, and the Prophet provided that. Providing
a fatherly figure for orphans is the only specific circumstance in support of
polygamy mentioned in the Quran (4:3).
Other than marrying widowed mothers of orphans,
there were three political marriages in the Prophet's life. His close friends
Abu Bakr and Omar insisted that he marry their daughters, Aisha and Hafsah, to
establish traditional family ties among them. The third marriage was to Maria
the Egyptian; she was given to him as a political gesture of friendship from
the ruler of Egypt.
This perfect example tells us that a man must give
his full attention and loyalty in marriage to his wife and children in order to
raise a happy and wholesome family."[Quran: the final testament :
authorized English version]
Islam has allowed everyone, men and women alike, to
freely choose what they think is best for themselves and asks for this choice to be respected. If more and more people, especially women, are choosing
monogamy today, it does not mean a disobedience to Allah. I personally think monogamy is the best choice out.
Because when Allah created Adam and placed him in
Eden where he was to be the happiest of all creatures, He created for him only
one Eve.
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